“Ultimately, you need people, you need support, you need help. That’s one thing, you just have to be really willing to ask for help and to accept it as well.”

Zoe’s Uphill Recovery From Her Ski Accident

Zoe Messer’s return to work after a traumatic brain injury (TBI) has been challenging, and she’s not afraid to be blunt about that.

Sure, she’s found ways to work around the loss of what she calls “work memory,” or recalling things from the last 20 minutes to two hours. She also has a deep sense of self-awareness and isn’t afraid to use tools or accommodations. Still, Zoe doesn’t sugarcoat the effort it takes to navigate the new way her brain, body, and even emotions work.

“It’s actually been difficult,” Zoe said. “Because it’s invisible, it’s hard for people to know you may be facing challenges.”

In December of 2020, Zoe was hitting the slopes with friends at the Alta Ski Resort in Salt Lake City, Utah. At the time, she was a newly minted digital nomad who left Washington for Utah when her marketing and graphic design job became remote due to Covid. She was eager to indulge in her lifelong love of the outdoors. Utah offered miles of hiking trails, several canyons to explore and a chance to go skiing with friends.

Zoe’s ski season was cut short when she hit a tree, suffering a litany of traumatic injuries to her entire body. In addition to her TBI, she had broken her hip and pelvis. Her collarbone, orbital bone and left arm were battered as well.

The collision caused her to be buried beneath the snow. It was hours before the Ski Patrol found Zoe and she was taken to a Level 1 Trauma Center.

Her recovery has proceeded apace, but it has been a long, arduous journey. During the past couple of years, she’s had to deal with fairly major setbacks, including addressing a pre-existing heart condition and unexpected eye surgery. Still, she has returned to work as a publishing manager for a charter school.

Dealing with the impact of her TBI hasn’t been as simple as finding tools or apps to accommodate her memory issues, however, Zoe is also navigating the personal and emotional aspects of her new normal as well. Sometimes, that’s a more difficult struggle.

For example, she finds herself irritable with coworkers, something very new for her.

“I’ve never in my mind experienced such an ability to jump to anger,” Zoe said.

She knows intellectually that anger is a secondary emotion and likely more a sign of processing trauma than any personal animus for her colleagues.

“Anger is easier for your brain to jump to than grief or depression or these really kind of deep emotions,” Zoe said. “I know that to be true.”

Still, inevitably, she says when a coworker is having a difficult time grasping something or there’s a communication glitch, she finds “it just kind of gets me really fired up or really agitated.”

Zoe relies on her prior knowledge and experience with yoga and mediation to help her traverse this foreign emotional landscape. Her self-awareness of what is happening and why helps a lot, too.

Then there’s reckoning with needing accommodations at all. Zoe was always independent and driven, used to competence that came easily to her. She attended law school for a year but left to work at a policy center when she realized a legal career wasn’t her calling. As an undergraduate, she worked as the director of a marketing department at Arizona State University.

“Before the accident I had a really good memory and a really good working memory,” Zoe said. “And I was able to just prioritize stuff in my head. But now looking back I’m like, ‘Oh my gosh, how did you do that?’”

The loss of this ability when she went back to work was a bit of a shock.

“Work memory is what I struggled with the most,” Zoe said. “So that impacts your work experiences.”

Zoe accommodates the change successfully in her own pragmatic way. She files emails or leaves them marked unread to remind her to come back to a task or project. Though these small, practical changes aren’t particularly cumbersome, it was not the easiest adjustment to make mentally.

“It was definitely frustrating at the time to have to keep things really organized in that way, but I understand why I have to do that now,” she said. “And it’s not like a big adjustment, it’s just something I have to do now and I really appreciate the memory that I used to have.”

Then there’s asking for the accommodations, another challenge for Zoe, who admits she has a lot of pride, especially given her independent streak. It is an additional way the accident has forced her to grow.

That meant “a lot of repetition, practice, asking for more time to do stuff just in case I would forget about something.”

Still, Zoe said being able to ask for help was one of the most important things survivors can do when returning to work.

“Ultimately, you need people, you need support, you need help,” Zoe said. “That’s one thing, you just have to be really willing to ask for help and to accept it as well.”

ABOUT BRAIN INJURY ALLIANCE OF ARIZONA

The Brain Injury Alliance of Arizona (BIAAZ) is the only statewide nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of adults and children with all types of brain injuries through prevention, advocacy, awareness and education. BIAAZ also houses the Arizona Brain Health Resource Center, a collection of educational information and neuro-specific resources for brain injury survivors, caregivers, family members and professionals.

What began in 1983 as a grassroots effort has grown into a strong statewide presence, providing valuable life-long resources and community support for individuals with all types of brain trauma at no charge.

The Brain Injury Alliance of Arizona:

• Works with Congressional Brain Injury Task Force
• Houses Arizona Brain Health Resource Center
• Hosts virtual and in-person support groups for survivors and families
• Has Statewide Opioid Use Disorder & Cognitive Impairment Response team with peer support, training, and family wraparound services
• Facilitates Brain Health Advisory Council
• Manages statewide Help Line: 888-500-9165