Exploring Caregiver Fatigue: An Insider Perspective
In the brain injury community, the term “caregiver” can be complex. As unpaid family and friend caregivers, we can be the key to a survivor’s recovery and wellbeing. When caring for someone who was independent before an accident, illness, or injury, it can be hard to admit that our loved one needs our help to stay safe and healthy. The lines can also become blurred, as more and more survivors of brain injury find themselves also taking on caregiver duties, whether for their children, parents, or grandparents. Due to their many and varied inherent responsibilities, caregivers are especially susceptible burnout and fatigue.
Join the Brain Injury Alliance of Arizona’s newest team member Anne Adkinson as she explores her first experience as a caregiver and the valuable lessons she has learned from the experience.
With all this well-deserved attention about the dangers of opioids, there is another side to the story that should not be discounted. Opioids can also be beneficial for many patients as long as they are carefully prescribed and monitored.
Exploring Caregiver Fatigue: An Insider Perspective
In the brain injury community, the term “caregiver” can be complex. As unpaid family and friend caregivers, we can be the key to a survivor’s recovery and wellbeing. When caring for someone who was independent before an accident, illness, or injury, it can be hard to admit that our loved one needs our help to stay safe and healthy. The lines can also become blurred, as more and more survivors of brain injury find themselves also taking on caregiver duties, whether for their children, parents, or grandparents. Due to their many and varied inherent responsibilities, caregivers are especially susceptible burnout and fatigue.
Join the Brain Injury Alliance of Arizona’s team member Anne Adkinson as she explores her first experience as a caregiver and the valuable lessons she has learned from the experience.
The key is offering kindness free of judgement. If my mom hadn’t recognized the signs of caregiver fatigue and intervened, my distressful moment could very easily have turned into a crisis.
My first experience being a caregiver was when I gave birth to my son. After several miscarriages, 16 weeks of strict bedrest, 22 hours of labor, and an emergency c-section, I was handed the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I remember being surprised that he looked just like my mom. I couldn’t wait to take him home and begin our lives together. However, within the first few days of his life he ended up back in the hospital because his tiny organs were shutting down. It was terrifying. I begged, pleaded, and prayed to everything in the universe that he would recover.
My sister-in-law who had given birth a few months prior came to visit us in the hospital. After days of trying to keep a brave face, I completely fell apart emotionally, assuming she’d be a soft place to land. I sobbed as I shared my fears of losing my child, my guilt for his suffering, and the gut-wrenching feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. She listened quietly as I poured out my soul, then offered what I hope she thought was support— “This should be the happiest time of your entire life. You should be more grateful for this opportunity.” It was a stunning, cutting response. What I needed in that moment was to vent my pent-up emotions as I sought validation for the fear and anxiety I was experiencing while also recovering from major surgery myself. Instead, I was met with my first experience of being shamed as a mother.
That evening my mom came to visit us in the hospital. I was misty eyed but after my experience earlier, I kept my feelings to myself. She watched me for a while, then kindly took the baby from me and without an ounce of judgement said, “Being a new mom is hard, especially in the beginning. It’s amazing what sleep can do.” With that, she sent me home with strict instructions to eat, shower, and sleep while she stayed with the baby in the hospital.
It was the best sleep of my life. And my mom was right. It IS amazing what sleep can do. That one act of kindness free of judgement changed my entire outlook and I was able to be the strong, brave mother I needed to be for my child. This was the first of countless experiences I’ve had with my mom guiding me along my motherhood journey. My son ended up making a full recovery and is now healthy, happy, thriving, and heading into his senior year of high school.
Now being older and wiser, I look back on that experience and realize several things. First, it’s not fair to ask someone to utilize skills they don’t possess or allow my feelings to get hurt when someone isn’t capable of showing up in a way that I need. I already knew my sister-in-law to be critical, so confiding in her and having certain expectations for her response was bound to yield unfavorable results. Second, I see how my mom was the perfect example of how we can help others in distress. The key is offering kindness free of judgement. If my mom hadn’t recognized the signs of caregiver fatigue and intervened, my distressful moment could very easily have turned into a crisis. Third, it truly is amazing what sleep can do. By neglecting my own needs and ignoring the warning signs of fatigue I had allowed my physical, emotional and mental exhaustion to reach a boiling point and I could no longer function properly. Fourth, let’s all agree to stop shaming each other. It only makes things worse, perpetuates negative stigmas surrounding mental health, and prevents people from getting the help they need until their situation has spiraled out of control.
Warning signs and symptoms of caregiver fatigue:
- Feeling depressed or anxious
- Mental and/or physical exhaustion
- Struggling to think clearly
- Irritability and mood swings
- Neglecting one’s own health and wellbeing
- Disrupted sleep
What to do if you are experiencing caregiver fatigue:
- Ask for help! Confide in a trusted friend, relative, clergy, counselor, or doctor. If they can’t help you, ask someone else until you find someone who can.
- Take steps to address wellbeing like sleep, mindfulness, exercise, and nutrition.
- Join a support group or social group for caregivers.
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Stop feeling guilty for having these feelings! It’s a normal part of being a caregiver.
Anne Adkinson is the Brain Injury Alliance’s Caregiver Advocate. She resides in sunny Arizona where she is a mom, proud military spouse, and caregiver to her husband, who is a combat veteran. She is also the mom of a U.S. Marine.
ABOUT BRAIN INJURY ALLIANCE OF ARIZONA
The Brain Injury Alliance of Arizona (BIAAZ) is the only statewide nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the lives of adults and children with all types of brain injuries through prevention, advocacy, awareness and education. BIAAZ also houses the Arizona Brain Health Resource Center, a collection of educational information and neuro-specific resources for brain injury survivors, caregivers, family members and professionals.
What began in 1983 as a grassroots effort has grown into a strong statewide presence, providing valuable life-long resources and community support for individuals with all types of brain trauma at no charge.
The Brain Injury Alliance of Arizona:
- Works with Congressional Brain Injury Task Force
- Houses Arizona Brain Health Resource Center
- Hosts Statewide Opioid Use Disorder & Cognitive Impairment Workgroup
- Has Statewide Opioid Use Disorder & Cognitive Impairment Response team with peer support, training, and family wraparound services
- Facilitates Brain Health Advisory Council
- Manages statewide Neuro Info-Line: 888-500-9165
